Drama thou art evil!

I have learned that drama is evil! Gossip and lies,  manipulative people and control freaks are all part of this evil we call drama! Evil is when good people do nothing! Evil is when you know something is wrong and you are helpless to help the people involved because they wont help themselves or the people they are suppost to take care of! Evil Evil Evil!!! And here I am in the middle of it all you know cause im one of those have to jump in the middle and fix it cause I be a evil control freak!! good and bad, yin and yang, balance and i am so off balance....
Peace all!
Truth hurts

You got to love kids!

I went to a kids birthday party and I have to laugh at the kids. They open presents and no matter what it is, as long as it isnt underwear or socks, they are happy with it. cheap or not best thing out there and the latest fashion or the dollar sales rate its all the same. They take the toy out of the box look happy they have a toy and 15mins later they have the rapping paper and the boxes they toys came in playing whatever game they can make up in there heads!!!
I love it! You have to love the creativity of being a child. To have the imagination to make a box turn into so wonderful time traveling ship or make birthday wrapping paper into a long flowing dress and a small box the tearia!  You can almost transport yourself into your own childhood and remember playing with boxes and paper and mud puddles...
Why do we lose that creativity? What happens as we grow up that crushes that Spirit of  wonder of creative power? How do we go from creators to the created?
I have a theory. I think that spirit is crushed out because we have to conform to everyone else in school and if we dont then we learn quick that the others pick on you and the teachers get mad and bad things happen so we conform then at home we learn that our family has assigned us a role and they expect us to live in it. then we have the church that tells us God loves you but you have to do this and dont do that and dont do this and we have more people to please plus a God that has a list of rules that no human can follow but here we are trying to prove to these people we can do it all! Then we hit puberty and here comes the dateing game oh joy now not only do we have to please people we have to be the best one so we can get the right person to pick us to date so we can make everyone happy! then we get married and we have to please all these people plus a spouse then kids! OMG you have to take care of kids and keep them happy too! oh and somewhere in there you have to get a job and make your boss happy. you cant be happy anymore you have to make every freaken one else happy! bye bye creativity hello hell!
So today I am reclaiming my Creativity and I am shutting out the non important people in my life both past and present because I have nothing to prove to you anymore! I am going to learn how to be me and not who everyone thinks i should be. that is my spiritual goal and that is my truth!!
Peace all
Truth Seeker

one long trip

Well I had to go to the doctor in a town 4 hours away from my home town. This is a very long and tiring trip on a good day. Wednesday was not a good day. Tuesday i was awake all night wired for sound and no hope of sleeping Monday night I got 2 hours of sleep, so come Wednesday morning I was screwed!  The snow that had fallen and laying bright and shiny on the ground was blinding because of course i left my shades in the house! Then we get half way there and I find that I left my glucometer at the house as well. So I have went from screwed to out right F@#$ED!!! so we get to the Doctors office and he changed my meds so hopefully I can sleep now. then we go get the meds and stand in line 2 hours waiting for said meds. By now I am not only tired and sleepy and I cranky and then I get to the window and the meds aint ready so it was another hour wait!! Cranky turned to B!TC#Y.  We finally get the meds and then go to eat and get the waitress from hell! she brought cold coffee and forgot my tea when we told her the coffee was cold and asked for my tea she brought another cup that was colder then the first one and still forgot the tea! so again I asked for my tea and hot coffee this time she brings the tea and hot coffee but the coffee taste like it had salt. by the time we got our drinks right we had our dinner ate and the check. Oh and the waitress was the checker and she said "Oh by the way I am adding 30% for a tip and I told her Like Hell Bitch you want a tip be a better waitress!"
By this time it is 7pm and we have a 4 hour drive waiting for us because we cant stay there because of the weather and If we got snowed in then I would miss another test back home that i had today.
We drive half way home and stop for a cup of coffee. I go to get back in the car and my diet dr pepper rapes me in the butt! I tell my mom "Call the Police I have been Violated!!! Oh wait he is right over there!!!" and i point to the cop setting in the parking lot and you got it eatting a Donut!  by this time Mom and I are laughing hard enough to make my car a car pool! So I call my hubby and Im trying to tell him all this and he accuses me of being punch drunk!!! I need support and comfort and he gives me judgments and crap??? How dare he!
So Mom and I drive to the next town and spend the night there because there was no way I was going to make it another hour!  and again I didnt sleep worth a crap!
The next day we got up ate and went home! Then today I had the Scope done and the dr tells me that there is nothing wrong with my tummy its muscle pain and nothing else. but what I want to know is since when do muscle cramps cause you to throw up?
So what does this have to do this Spiritual stuff and Finding the Truth? Nothing! What did I learn from all of this? nothing not a damn thing! so why did I write this? I thought maybe you needed a good laugh!
Have a great day!
Truth Seeker

Hello Sorry I missed last night.

Tonight I am so tired after my trip I think I may just go to bed. It was a long trip and I am glad to me home. I will tell you all about it tomorrow but to night my bed is calling me....nite nite

Friend for you Journey

I have been on my spiritual path for years with no one to talk things out with. Hubby is great, dont get me wrong, but his eyes glaze over and cross and then he snores because he just doesnt get why the spiritual side of life is important to me. He was raised in church just like I was but that is where it ended. You put your butt in the pew on Sunday and life goes on. This keeps everyone happy family friends neighbors and the church. End of Story! You just say the right things but you dont have to believe them.
For me its different, my mother use to say "Church is where you go to prove to others you believe in God." and Whats between you and God stays between you and God." but I never once heard her say "Thank God" or I will pray for you" or any of the other church phases. When I was young she took me to church and was even on the church board but then we slowly stopped going. Then at 13 I was invited to help out in the nursery on Sunday and I loved it. Everyone talked about God and what they believed and I loved it all the music the singing the other teens and they were nice to me...some of the time...at lest they wasnt out right mean and rude...most of the time....
I out grow the youth group at 15 and joined the church and the adult Sunday School classes which I loved even more because we had thought provoking discussions! They loved me! They Thought I was Wise and smart! I wanted to be a Missionary or my idea of what a missionary was suppose to be anyways. Think of it like I use to you go to some place learn there culture and belief systems while you teach them what you believe and help them in anyway they need food cloths counseling whatever!
And so I became a missionary but it wasnt like this at all it was more go someplace tell them they are going to hell god loves them them make them feel unworthy of God and show everyone what a big @$$ you are. So I QUIT and came home to my good old church FAMILY. Well if that wasnt an eye opener nothing is!! I mean really my own church family the church that i had joined and was raised in my whole life tried to convert me back to God knowing that I was on a Missionary campus! I was the outsider and I finally new how everyone that walked though the church doors felt! Unloved and unworthy and not good enough to walk through the door much less come to God! So I church hopped and found that it wasnt just that church or denomination it was all christian churches everywhere!
I then started to question the bible and the things that I have been taught all my life. I am still surprised at the Christians that I have asked these questions too. I have had Christians get mad because "How Dare I question God!" and I have had the whole "the Devil is swaying you you must stop this nonsense before Saten take your soul" and of course the eye roll and "Why do you care about all that stuff just believe what the bible says and move on with your life." but I have yet to have a reasonable discussion with a Christian!
Until today that is. Today I found a that a friend that I have recently started chatting with on line and off loves to talk about spiritual stuff as much as I do! I feel like doing cart wheels In so elated! I dont see that happening but believe me in my head you should see the fantastic cartwheels! This friend is my age and we went to school together and ran in the same circles but didnt really hang out. Who knew that our paths would cross years later and bring us here? 
Thank the Divine Powers that Be that I have a new spiritual friend to debate and discuss all this with!
May you also be blessed on your Path where ever it take you!
Truth Seeker

The Path

Ever notice that the path you must travel is ice covered with pot holes all over it? You can never just dodge the pot holes either because they are huge! I never know ahead of time where the road will take me but I have to have faith that it is better then where I have been. I thought this picture was the perfect metaphor for my life.
I look ahead into the white abyss not knowing what the future holds for me but knowing that the road is long and hard. I have to bypass trash and wade through the mud to get to where ever it is that I am going because there is no other choice except to back up into my past which i don't want to relive or stay where i am forever which for me is not an option! So forward my husband and I go into the white abyss of the future. We may be cracked and imperfect but here we go. Together we Go!
I feel like a drag my past around behind me because I am afraid to let it go. I fear my future because of my past and I can't live in the present because of the past and the future. You ever feel that way? It sucks don't it?
The part that you can't see in this picture is my husband and I are inside his pick up and we have had 23inches of snow and counting.... I HAD to get out of the house for awhile so I begged my hubby to take me out for a drive for picture taking. We had a blast! It was the first time i had really been in the moment or even really understood what that meant! So now when I see this pic I think about that drive and being in the moment just me and my hubby together on a journey to the future. After all isnt that what life is all about?

I have found that my spiritual journey has lead me to the Unitarian Universal Fellowship. I will be reading a book called A Chosen Faith. I will be posting my thoughts on the book both good and bad and everything in between.
Keep Seeking your own Truth
Truth Seeker!
Peace

Spirituality in Pictures.

Today I went out in the cold snow and took pics of snow covered trees and some out at the lake. I thought "Oh how pretty!!! This would make a beautiful picture!!" and as I sat here to night I realized that I found a peace in my mind, heart and spirit. As I took the pictures today I lost myself in the picture taking I was carefree and it felt wonderful but I also found myself in the moment as well and I liked who I was for the first time in a long time. My hubby drove me around and I felt like we were really connected not just my a marriage license or some dusty piece of paper berried in a box somewhere. and not just because we sleep in the same bed in the same house, but because we connected on a level that mattered. We talked and we had fun doing something together. It was great!
I think this is part of being spiritual. Connecting to others on a level that is hard to put into words, and maybe it doesnt need words, to be in the moment with someone you love and know that there is peace and there is love and that you are part of something bigger then your own struggles to survive.
there is some of my pic. I know that they are probly not the best in the word but it is what I have so I freely share.

Growing up and learning to learn

In the beginning, my spiritual life was lived out! Loud and proud, because it was the only spiritual life I knew everyone else had the same spiritual life as I did. It was easy. Safe. But then, I began thinking and questioning that belief and that faith. I learned that this was not something one did if one wanted to be safe and wanted. I was belittled and I was shamed in many ways.
I learned what it was to be called possessed, deceived and, the biggest of all, to learn that I was going to Hell because I merely had questions.
I prayed night after night for the answers, for peace, for understanding and salvation. Finialy one night I had a dream of the Creator the Divine that I had never know or felt. There She and Jesus stood! I couldn't believe my eyes! Jesus said to me "So you got questions eh?" I thought my prayers had been answered at long last but then He continued to say "Then go find the answers! Look anywhere you want to I dont care Just stop asking me to Save you ok? its boring your life is boring! Your mind is filled with interesting questions and bright ideas and you are letting everything and everyone stop you from what I had plan for you go forth and ask the questions think the ideas blah blah blah you get the idea." All I could do was blink.
Then the woman I think the Holy Spirit but im not sure her name is Sophia and she was beautiful in black glowing gown that flowed with blond hair that could have been gold and the most mysterious deep blue eyes I had ever seen said to me in the sweetest voice. "Child I am here be here with me and find rest. Tomorrow is soon enough to find your answers I will lead you." and I slept for the first time in a long time.

I had no idea where to began at first. I roamed book stores and looked at devotionals and theology books but then i found myself in the new age isle... I knew nothing about any of it except it was evil and wicked. So what do you think i did? That's right I ran but i kept coming back over and over then in a fit of rebellion I picked up the evil tarot card and a book. I took it home and I stared at it just waiting for the evil demon inside to pop out and... well Im not sure what i thought it would do but i had my bible right over my heart just in case.
So as I sat there and nothing happened it got dark and I saw a shadow in the corner of my eye. I jumped up knowing that this evil thing had come to do wicked things and I heard a laugh. A Laugh? It was laughing at me!!! whats wrong with this picture? Demons dont laugh! How dare they laugh at me!! I was about to give a piece of my mind to the demon when I saw Sophia and quickly swallowed my rage. She Sobered too. I was Ashamed of my anger because I was raised its a sin to be angry at God. I was also raised that the Holy Spirit was a male but hey I had lots of questions anyways....whats a few more?
Sophia looked me over and said " it is a sin to hide your anger its not like i dont know you are angry and you wasnt made at me but the unseen evil that you thought i was. You were rebellious enough to buy the cards and the book why do you not open them up and see what they are? Because you believe they are evil? because you are supposed to believe they are evil? because you fear you will be caught with the stuff and judged by others?" I hate when people read me like a book but She had the right of it. it was all of that.

So this started my Spiritual journey into the unknown world of all other beliefs. I have grow from this I have learned a lot about other religions and beliefs cultures. and I have learned more about what i believe and why. it is a daily battle to find myself in this world of conformism where everyone from the TV to the goverment to family to the stranger on the street thinks they have the right to tell you how to think feel believe and what values and ethics to believe. It is easier to hide and be secret about what i believe. it is one thing that i have yet to over come... but the one thing I know to be true is I have to find my own way because the way no one else can live my life and no one else has to answer for it in the end.

Peace
The Seeker